


The One Where Bucky Hides In The Bathroom

by ThePandoricaWillOpen



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Silly, silly Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7700296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePandoricaWillOpen/pseuds/ThePandoricaWillOpen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve comes home to a ransacked apartment and rushes in to find Bucky in the bathroom ... holding a bug spray?</p><p>Silly one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Bucky Hides In The Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember how this came about but my BFF, UponYggdrasil, has been asking for it for a month. Sorry for the wait. Here you go!

Okay. Bucky will say it.

He's a man that’s confident in his masculinity so he’ll admit that he was just a tiny bit terrified when he sat down on the toilet seat, ready to start his morning routine, when he saw it.

_And it saw him._

Eight beady little eyes staring right into his soul, like eight black holes just watching him, waiting for him to fall in and never be found again.

So, yeah. He did what any rational human being would have done and pulled his boxers back on, carefully avoiding going even near the thing with its black eyes, and then hightailed it out of the bathroom.

Then, well, then maybe, _just maybe_ , he might have gotten a little out of control.

* * *

When Steve arrives home, he isn't expecting to trip over a shoe. Or to push the door open only to find that there is a book case just a few inches behind the door. He calls out for Bucky and hear no response so what is Captain America to do? He closes the door as gently as possible, putting the shoe back on the floor just inside the doorframe, and quickly goes up the stairs to the roof.

He goes down the fire escape to their second floor apartment and, very carefully, breaks in. He doesn't see anyone in the living room or kitchen but the hallway leading to the bedroom and bathroom is blocked off. If Bucky was trying to get away from someone, he would go to the bedroom where his stash of weapons were hiding in the closet. (And the floorboards. And the air vent. But Steve wasn't supposed to know about those.)

Steve, his shield in his arm, ducks inside and gives the room a cursory look. It didn't look like any fighting had happened but then again, Bucky was trained in so many forms of combat that Steve was sure he could incapacitate without leaving a trace. No bodies though. That worried Steve. He considers calling in the Avengers, at least Nat or Hawkeye, but that thought goes out the window when he hears Bucky yell.

He jumps over the couch barricading the hallway to the rest of the apartment and calls out again, “Bucky? Where are you?”

“Oh, thank god! I'm in the bathroom! Hurry!”

So Steve does, bursting into the bathroom with his shield in front of him ready to take down whoever had Bucky barricading himself in - wait, what the hell.

Steve lowers his shield down when he sees that Bucky is alone in the bathroom. He's got a towel wrapped around his head, a toilet scrubber in his metal hand and a roach killer spray in the other. Steve puts his shield on the floor and walks inside only to be stopped by Bucky pointing the scrubber towards his face.

“Don't! You're too close to it already! Close the door or it'll escape, quick!”

Steve hesitates and then does as he's told. He goes around the invisible target, Bucky's posture loosening only slightly, and goes to stand next to him. He laughs when he sees what's got Bucky all riled up.

A spider. Thick, but with short black legs with tiny hairs and eyes as black as coal. It's about the side of a lid of a jar of pickles.

Bucky turns to him, his face scrunching up in an adorable pout and says, “good, you got your shield. Kill the damn thing, Steve!”

“I'm not gonna kill the poor spider,” Steve replies. “Is that why you barricaded yourself in the apartment? I thought there were HYDRA agents or AIM agents after you or something.”

“What? No. No, agents. Just that _thing_ ,” he hisses, metal arm pointing the scrubber towards the spiders. “I was tryna go to the bathroom and it was just there, Steve, on the wall. Just staring at me like it knew all of my secrets or something. I couldn't let it get away.”

“It's just a spider, Buck.”

Bucky turns to Steve and says, “isn’t Captain America supposed to protect the innocent? Huh? I’m innocent so protect me!”

Steve rolls his eyes and goes towards the spider. He gets the spider to crawl onto his hands. He then, careful to avoid all the things on the floor, he goes to the window sill by the kitchen and lets the spider crawl out of his hands and into the flower pot they have hanging off the window. He watches it go on its way, closing the window and then turns to Bucky.

“Satisfied?” He asks, trying very hard not to burst into a fit of laughter because Bucky, the Winter Soldier, the man who shaped half a century, is scared of spiders. So scared he blackade himself inside the apartment, made a trench-like mess in the hall and held a scrubber and some bug spray and yet never went within five feet of the tiny insect.

“That was intense,” Bucky says pulling up a chair and sitting on the kitchen table. “I’m never going into that bathroom alone again.”

“Just a spider,” Steve says.

“It was huge, a huge spider,” Bucky corrects. “With a lot of eyes.”

“Normal amount of eyes for a spider, Buck.”

“It was staring at me.”

“It’s was just as scared of you as you were of it.”

“You rescued me from certain death,” Bucky continues, ignoring Steve. “I coulda died, Steve.”

“Just a regular old house spider,” Steve reminds him.

“I. Coulda. Died.”

* * *

In the end, they fumigate the entire building because Bucky wanted everyone to be safe, not just him. Steve spent days teasing him about it. And maybe he told Clint who had immediately bought some toy spiders to plant around the house. Which may or may not have earned Clint a broken coffee pot. Which may have led to a glitter bomb being delivered to their apartment courtesy of Clint.

And… well, let’s just say it was an interesting week for everyone involved.

(Except Steve who had to clean up said glitter and find _all_ the spiders and buy Clint a new pot and…)


End file.
